Editor’s Note: This is Satire.
This particular Lunar New Year, heralded by the calendar as the Year of the Rat, brought great festivities and revelry to campus on Saturday as Georgetown students, long derided as ‘rats’ by jealous competing universities for our special affinity towards the animal, observed the holiday with triumph and new hope for the long year ahead. “Oh happy day! Oh joy! LOOK WHO’S LAUGHING NOW, GW!!” one student declared, waving the school colors. “HOYA SAXA! IT’S THE RAT’S YEAR NOW, PEASANTS! WE HAVE GOD AND RODENTIA ON OUR SIDE, NOTHING STANDS IN OUR WAY!!”
“I’m so glad to hear that kind of enthusiasm! It’s wonderful to see students recognizing the heritage of our university and honoring those that have come before us in such a uniquely Georgetown-esque way!” commented President John DeGioia, suddenly emerging out of a burrow across from White-Gravenor Hall. “I can’t believe some people want us to do away with our little companions! It’s absurd! They’re more at home on this campus than we are! They’re an irreplaceable part of the ambiance, like Healy Hall’s spire or the Red Square. What do they expect us to do, anyway?”
“Something! We expect something! This city may have a massive rodent problem, but that doesn’t excuse inactivity on the part of the administration! They have a responsibility to maintain our health and welfare here, and letting rats like these run around and do whatever they want on campus sends a bad message,” an MSB student countered, clearly missing the irony of his statement. Regrettably, before continuing on, the undergraduate was violently dragged away by two hooded figures to a location behind Copley Hall, undoubtedly to be offered to our furry friends as the sign of a temporary truce, in keeping with the spirit of the occasion.
“See? Some people are no fun,” the President resumed. “Could you imagine having no natural wildlife on university grounds? How boring! We have our own lovely ecosystem here at Georgetown, so my advice would be to figure out how your lifestyle fits into it, and not vice-versa!”
Correction: The Georgetown Review had first reported that the student in the third paragraph was a member of the SFS, and not the MSB. While, objectively, this error wouldn’t change anything at all about the story or its moral, The Georgetown Review still apologizes for this correction.
John Scudero (SFS ’23) is the Managing Editor for Satire for The Georgetown Review.
Long time supporter, and thought I’d drop a comment.
Your organization’s wordpress site is very sleek – hope you don’t mind me
asking what theme you’re using? (and don’t mind
if I steal it? :P)
I just launched my small businesses site –also built in wordpress like yours– but
the theme slows (!) the site down quite a bit.
In case you have a minute, you can find it by searching for “royal cbd”
on Google (would appreciate any feedback) – it’s still
in the works.
Keep up the good work– and hope you all take care of
yourself during the coronavirus scare!
~Justin